After years of writing poems I decided to compile them into a book. On December 17th it was published and is now available for purchase on amazon.
This project would not be possible without the amazing support from loved ones! Special shout outs go to: James, Aurelia, Thomas, Dennis, Mariah & Miranda. Thank you for supporting me and my creative projects. A deep heartfelt thank you to those who have already purchased the book, I feel so touched to have your support.
Writing poetry has been a huge part of my life, and is often a private coping mechanism for the complex emotions I move through. This collection documents the ups and down of big feelings, and read in whole serves as a reminder that everything passes.
I am breaking up with Reiki. • I went all the way, became a reiki master and teacher as they call it (three levels of training & several hundred dollars). • The biggest thing reiki taught me is that people like catchy titles and certificates. I also learned that reiki isn’t that special. What is special is that we all have the ability to heal and love ourselves. • Reiki is completely unnecessary. It is simply a pyramid scheme to get people to pay for something that is already free: your divine power. You don’t need anyone else to activate your gifts, only you can do that. You don’t need to pay for someone to pray over you, prayer should always be free otherwise it’s kind of creepy imho. • Yes people have told me I have magic and hands and yes I was healed of asthma at 17 years old from prayer, but what does any of this have to do with reiki? Nothing! I became reiki certified because I wanted to have respect, but guess what? The corporate world of certifications and sales manipulation is not something I want to be part of. • So I came up with my own title of birthright-based energy healing. It’s simple. I call it peace & love energy healing. I am happy to send it around the world and across the universe to anyone who seeks it. • Instead of offering attunements as reiki does, with peace & love energy healing you can learn on your own. There are no gimmicks or symbols or foreign terms to learn. The language is in your skin and bones. The codes are in your DNA. • I am happy to coach anyone who wants some simple tips on building this type of energy healing practice, with the knowing that I am your equal, sharing what works for me and allowing you to find your own tune. • It feels really good to say this. People have been taking away your power to simply sell it back to you for generations and it stops here, right now. • Every new and full moon I will be offering free peace & love energy healing. I will write down your names and a simple word of affirmation of your choosing on a piece of paper, then I sit in meditation and send peace & love energy healing to all the names on the list. Then I burn the paper to release and close the ceremony.
I invite you to join us for an hour long workshop where we create a safe container for emotions to be felt and released. Yes! We will be laughing, yelling, screaming, stomping, maybe even crying, whining, moaning and making weird faces. Course includes sharing times and a closing meditation. Release tension throughout your body and cleanse yourself down to the cellular level creating an inner world of peace. To register and receive zoom link please send $11 to @kosmicrockstar on venmo or email email@example.com to snag a scholarship.
Here is the story of how I fell in love with a broken heart.
I was 19 the summer of 2009 when I met JL. He was my first serious partner, through innocent friendship and flirting, to dating and falling in love. Our relationship was a challenge from the start with outside influences weighing in as my young soul was still discovering who I was without anyone controlling me.
JL was my safe place after a lifetime of journeying to independence. In our relationship I learned so much. We were together for four years and became engaged midway. Our love felt like a fantasy.
During this time many situations arose where I was mistreated. As most abusive cycles go the mistreatment was alternated between apologies and deep passion.
Leaving felt impossible and we separated many times, only to be drawn back to each other like gravity. Finally, with him sitting across from me in my bedroom, I shook with an anxiety attack and told him not to talk to me anymore. I saw him one last time at an event and then he vanished for four years.
Then he came back.
I got a message on my phone about half a year ago from him. I always thought when I spoke to him again I would yell at him and rage out from the pain he caused me. Like usual, I immediately was kind and forgiving. We spoke often from then on, processing our past and sharing how much we had grown and changed since then. It felt exactly how I wanted it to, like reuniting with a best friend. It felt like healing medicine to the parts of myself that he had hurt.
We made plans to connect in person as he was traveling my way. And then, he ghosted me.
Fresh blood poured from my little beating heart. How. How. Why. Why would this person hurt me, again.
I was furious.
After all those years and talks, this person who I have felt immense amounts of love with chose to hurt me AGAIN. All the excuses in the world went through my head, none of them sufficient.
While visiting Maui for a meditation course last month I stayed on a property that looking west had a view of the smallest of the eight Hawaiian islands called Kaho’olawe.
This island is known as a sacred area to the native Hawaiian people. Through colonization the land has rode many ups and downs. In World War II American military used Kaho’olawe as a bomb range and military training site.
Today the land and surrounding waters are an island reserve and is protected by law to be used for cultural, spiritual, and preservation purposes. It is said to potentially still have explosives and the only way to go on the island is to volunteer with the Kaho’olawe Island Reserve Commission.
I watched the sun set over this island every night. During the day the red color of the land would sparkle in the sun. Such a beautiful island, so mistreated in the past is now protected.
One night while in silent meditation I felt how furious I was at JL for hurting me. I picked at my dinner and then huffed off, pacing around the property. As I walked in circles along the shore, sweating with the heat of my rage and pain, I thought about this island that I faced across the waters. I thought about it’s story, and I felt a connection to this part of my heart that JL touched.
I started thinking of my heart as a preserve. A land that had been through a lot, and so was cherished to the point of having boundaries to keep it untouched. My heart was hurt and so it deserves a place of peace. Others who did not know its value may have stomped on it, but no more. Likewise my own energy has not always been helpful, so I am protected also from my own influence. This part of my heart is to be seen and respected.
In thinking this way I felt a softness come over me. Knowing that these boundaries protect me allowed me to forgive myself for allowing the patterns of pain to continue.
Now I sit and watch this part of me. I love it. The sun setting over my heart reminds me that I am safe.✨