This morning I had the strongest urge to quit my job. I wanted to call my boss and kindly tell her that I am stepping down, two weeks from today.
All the reasons I wanted to make this decision whizzed through my mind, my thought process making it seem like a clear choice. After all, the universe will support whatever I choose and there is no right or wrong choice. My only stipulation is that whatever I choose I follow it with my heart.
After jazzing myself up with arguments on the side of quitting my job, I decided to see if I could feel into any reasons why perhaps I wouldn’t want to. Only one reason stood standing. One word held me back from my unanimous vote: fear.
I am afraid! I instantly questioned if fear is a valid reason for avoiding action when all the other odds seem to be in opposing favor. Using sky diving as an analogy I think that fear is the only thing holding me back from jumping out of a plane with a parachute and skilled professionals helping me with the process. My logical mind in all its wonderful facets knows the odds are favorable enough that I don’t fear injury. What I fear is the unknown or perhaps fear itself!
My questions remains — I cannot get it out of my head. Am I allowing my fear to hold me back in my career? Is my fear a channel for my intuition to slow me down or wait for more favorable timing? I don’t expect to get a clear answer, but I enjoy seeking them nonetheless.
Perhaps analogies are not needed and just distract me from making a solid decision. The fear of stepping out in faith will always be there, but but but…
It can be difficult to maintain the passion of a moment when all things are constantly changing. I swing from wanting to feel safe to wanting to feel liberated. Ultimately I know that this process I am working through is here to teach me and I am taking full Mercurian advantage of my analysis. There is no big ending point or grand decisive moment to my musings today; I leave this piece having explored myself in a deeper way.
Ultimately I think that I want to say of myself that fear does not hold me back, but even if it does I know all things work out in perfect timing. Okay now my brain is tired. Bye bye.